Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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