Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize