Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
