I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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