i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize