just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
