god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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