my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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