Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
