Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
