Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
where are you?
Hypothermia
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
