Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
