The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
