I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
