Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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