3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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