You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
