is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
