Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
