where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
