Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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