dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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