I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
