It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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