Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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