All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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