she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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