what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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