JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The beer is more important than you right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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