I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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