dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
