Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
