Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fill condoms, not promises.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize