he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
