if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize