at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize