Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drinking out of a sandbucket again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
