I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
