so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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