my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
