i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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