Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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