i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
