we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
