she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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