How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
