Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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