I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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