so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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