that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
