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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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