I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
