I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
