Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize