It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
