Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
