i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize