So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
