I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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