We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
