Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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