You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
