Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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