I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
