you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
