Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
