Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
