I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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