Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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