did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
