And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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