I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
