I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
