my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
