What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize