so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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