I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
