I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
