We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
