im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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