I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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