Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well you can't waste a boner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
