Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
