i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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