I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
