Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
