Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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