I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never underestimate the power of titties
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