Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
