god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can't motorboat a personality
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There was a lot of him and a little penis
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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