Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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