While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
